Me myself and I 

The point of the story and most stories. 

Two people fall in love then they get used to each other. Romance slips away and everything becomes the same damn thing. I’m a person that can get swept away inlove the helpless romantic. I want things to be strong. Bold. Is it really weird to advertise the love? Even a little? To say hey this is my girl and I’m damn proud? I mean it doesn’t have to be picture perfect. I get it the love is only shared between those two alone. Outside it doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t have to question your worth. The this is romantic conversation is my thing. It will always be what turns me on. Keeps me going. Makes me feel alive. Till this day if I don’t get that. Maybe it’s a addiction. I get bored. Deep conversation is what helps my heart beat. Passion is my blood. It is always how I will be. You join in or you fall out. I take a lot of work.  Maybe it’s a assignment maybe you can’t handle? Are you really ready for it? I’m the type of person that doesn’t really need years to marry someone. I’m all about feeling the emotion. I’m not a average girl. I like talking about the world, our existence. But also the deep understanding of love. At this point in my life. I’m starting to see who I really am and the person I’ve hidden. Which is a total reflection. I’m worth everything. In the past I just let things become numb and boring. That’s when things obviously end or partner cheats on you. Incase you where wondering people cheat because there need of fulfillment is not being met. That is why people don’t really want serious relationships right now. People don’t want to do the work. I think to make a successful relationship it is another full time job. It’s a garden that continues to grow wildly. It needs tending it needs to be trimmed or else it grows into a wild forest. It becomes dark. Shallow, bitter resentful. When a relationship ends we want the other person to seem like a ass however you really should always look in the mirror there are so many lessons in that. What can you do better ? It is hard for me to voice communication of fear because of a past mentally abusive relationship. I don’t even know how to get passed the fear of being afraid to speak. Instead I hide in this blog. Friends don’t even know about only strangers. But those who read this I believe your meant to. 

Sink or swim. 

Swimming leads to safety. I need someone to listen to me. Care about me. And be there for me. 

Beauty is pain 

​Well after like a week or two. Stuck on this challenge.For HERMISSION Day 4 Turn pain into Beauty ( took me a while) From when I stopped at day 3 many things from day 3 needed to take this long to come forward. From all the pain I felt growing up I hide it inside things. So they all had to come back. I’ve been kind of emotional. They gave us full permission to express it out and use it to color our experience of life. Mine was rainbow tears. Because maybe if we cried rainbows we’d see what comes out of pain. ❤ tears are beautiful. This is how my pain wanted to be expressed. And most of you who know me know I’ve done this sorta thing for a while. Play dress up and take pics. I have a very strong creative side that needs to express itself. You can even see that in pics of my house. It’s just who I am and will be. I’m sorry I’ve been sorta hiding that. 


I just seen a article about how the new Wonder Women movie is against feminism because her armpits are shaved. last week it was attacking Emma Watson for Vogue. 

What people are sorta missing with the dramatic news. Things I wonder about  who is this “feminist” is? Is there a spokes person for the feminist group. One leader? Or does this article get it’s info from a bunch of trolls on the internet? Articles are just fancy way of making a complaint sparkle . That is all it is. Drama to feed your eyes. A character made up “The Feminist” as the bad ass lady. Why does someone shaving there armpits matter to someone else? Does it really mater that much what someone with there own free will does? Let people do what they want to do. What feels right to them. Ohhh your such a feminist you haven’t shaved high five. Maybe some are not ready yet. 

Let people enjoy life however they want to look.

Grief release 

This is a personal post. Don’t need any comments where my parents are always there for me ” blah blah” I know all these things. I talk to dead people. It is a nice gesture. Thank you. I don’t need a reminder. You know why? For the past year the “UNIVERSE” or whatever miracles, magic that exist is forever around me. It grows stronger and stronger every day of my life. The ah ha moments become more regular, synchronicity becomes a every day occurrence. Hey maybe law of attraction or manifestations really do work!?!!  I’m doing this challenge online for a group called #HerMission this challenge took me to a place I never admitted to anyone. The anger, sadness of feeling abandoned. I just never went as deep as I just did tonight. I feel it is a big part of my story and why I do what I do. Hell it’s the reason I do it. It’s the reason I cry when I watched Monica the medium  and long Island Medium. Grief is one thing I’ve experienced so much in my life I am now admitting I’m a pro thanks to the University of Life. Sometimes I punish myself like why am I able to do what I do? I don’t have a psychology degree? Yeah I don’t. I have something else. That hopefully one day you’ll understand and if not that’s fine also. My job isn’t to make people believe just help those who are willing to listen. 💙 having a emotional break through only means something so great!!

Where does it hurt ?

Abandonment: to leave and never return 

I’ve been doing many spiritual practices, self healing type of things since before my parents died and still continuing. I’ve grown so much after losing my parents. My knowledge for metaphysics, psychology, philosophy, quantum physics you name it. I’ve been pondering all day about where does it hurt still? After watching two movies after The Shack last week and Colateral Beauty tonight. I came home meditated. Cried my eyes out held my heart just to listen to my own intuition. Then it came to me. Both those movies are about a parent losing a child. And the parent being angry at “God” whoever you believe. Not a child losing a parent. And feeling the same thing. In all of grief we always want to say one is “worse” then the other. Losing someone sucks equally. However when a child loses a parent they feel abandoned. That’s how I feel. A parent is a child’s protector. Abandonment is my biggest fear. Even with my relationships. It makes me feel pushed away, it makes me feel ignored. Even feel unresolved. Some of my abandonment issues even feel too embarrassing to talk about. However as I’m writing this I realize more and more everything I have learned about. It was never about me. But in some very secretive way it was all along. Weather we want to admit it pain is growth. Admitting this feeling of abandonment is something I never admitted. I have never told anyone ever that I have felt this way. The worse of all it’s mainly my father. My mother I always knew she was sick. I knew for years she was not going to live long. However all those years I never knew he was dieing also. I never got to spend those moments with him. Until I only had a few days left. So on that my father died before my mother leaving me with someone I knew I had not much time with. Nine months later which goes very fast. There she went to be with the love of her life my father. Leaving me behind. That’s how I feel. Like they left me behind. I’d say for the past year and half. I felt like I had all those feelings healed in some way. Except for this. When I tell my partner about my relationship concerns I don’t think he even realizes why my biggest fear is abandonment. Abandonment is something I truly need to work on. First starting with my parents. Which I’m realizing more and more how there energy still exists and helps me experience all these miracles every day. How I might not even be right here now working on myself fully. Healing and finding a deeper meaning in life. My heart feels like it just broke a locked safe. Something I’ve hidden away from myself and never admitted. Maybe it felt disrespectful. But it’s not. I should never be afraid to feel like I’m abandoned or alone. I should never put myself down for anything I feel. I feel free now. Thank you so much. 

I never expected this result. I let out tears I held back. I believe letting out that I felt like they left me. Will help me actually realize even more they never did. 💗

Right now they told me they never left me. Will never leave me. They helped me become who I am today and that is always apart of me. They did not abandon me. They put me in the hands of a force much more powerful to help me get where I am now.

UFO oracle

Pick one of these photos

Each one has a message 

Remember this could be at this moment, something your working on also, or in the future. 

1. The Day the Earth Stood Still 

(The moon) Cycles and reflection 

You might feel lost at this time. Because things seem unclear at this time or even confusing. Pay attention to your shadow self at this time. It is causing fear, anxiety, insecurity. Now it’s time to reflect. Turn things around. All these past fears are projecting into your present. It’s time to purge. This even means cleaning around the house, getting some flow back into your life. Meditating. It’s time to go within yourself to live peacefully. Find what you need to move forward but trusting your intuition. Keep still reflect within. You decide what to think. 

🎥Movie empowerment quote 

“Your choice is simple: join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you. ”

2. Independence Day (Justice)

It’s a time when decision making is required. Pay attention to any signs, symbols. That give you a clue your going in the right direction. Be honest with yourself . It’s time to balance your past and the future. Make adjustments in your life to create a balance. Which is much needed at this time. Maybe too much work and no adventure? Examine what you have done in the past to better your future. See the truth in all situations. 

🎥Movie empowerment quote 

“We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! ”

3.  Arrival (Temperance) 

Balance, moderation, patience, purpose 

You are learning about balance. Learning to keep calm in a situation of great stress and anxiety. You should have a clear vision of what you want to achieve. Take time, be patient. Your learning so much on your journey. You have a ability to adapt to things. Greater inner and outer balance. Find peace within. Never really know the outcome of something till you get there. Stop fighting your own selves inside. The battle with ourselves is how we find peace within. 

🎥Movie Empowerment qoute

“We have to consider the idea that our visitors are prodding us to fight among ourselves until only one faction prevails.”

4. Mars Attacks (The Fool)

Ack ! Ack! Do you feel misunderstood? That the world has a cruel sense of humor? This is about new beginnings, innocence, spontaneity and being a free spirit. It’s time for new experiences. Time to believe in where the road takes you is right where you need to be. Time to go out and play. It’s time to be your true self.  Let go of expectations and do the unexpected.  The path might be unknown at this time. Trust the flow, stay open. Be spontaneous!

🎥Movie empowerment quote 

“Rest assured that we will soon come out at a very real outcome.”